What Did I Do?

By Sterling Mire

Many times what people say or do to us has nothing to do with us at all.

Have you ever had the experience where what someone does or says doesn’t seem to jibe with what is actually going on? Yet, we take their behavior personally and make it mean something disempowering about us leaving us confused, hurt and disappointed. It’s helpful to remember: people are more connected to their past experiences versus the experiences they would like to have in their future.  That past can be what just happened 5 minutes prior or as far back as childhood. Taking things personally without taking a moment to think about where they could be coming from takes us off path.

We also have to be responsible for what we do and say. Could what we said or did provoke a particular response? If our intentions are benign but misunderstood, then we can apologize and clarify what we mean to the other person. If they refuse to forgive and hear the value in what we are trying to convey then we can walk away feeling satisfied with the responsibility and the action we took to remedy the situation. We can also see that there is something that person is personally dealing with that may have absolutely nothing to do with us but what they are struggling with in their own life. Be compassionate and loving and move on. We are all dealing with something in life. We are all evolving and being given the opportunity to grow and growth comes from our relationships. If this is a relationship that we are committed to, then we take move on by taking responsibility of our communications and distinguish if there is anything else we can do to help. Sometimes just being clear in our communications is all there is for us to do. We need to just give the other person some space to be with the situation and gain the understanding and clarity within themselves.

When you shift your attention to the bigger picture you may then notice that there was nothing you did that was inappropriate and can choose to not take it personally leaving you free of feeling attacked or blaming yourself for something that didn’t have anything to do with you. It’s up to you to retain your self-worth while knowing you are taking responsibility for your words and actions. This is the best way to live an empowered and satisfying life!